Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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