I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
smell my finger.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Randomize
