I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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