im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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