Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
