i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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