In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I'm having to shit out rocks
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize