my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
