haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
