i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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