We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Well I just put wine in my tea
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize