we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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