Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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