Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
