great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
