At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
