I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
