eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
