somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
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