if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Randomize
