apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
