Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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