This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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