i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
