what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I licked your asshole in confidence.
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