if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
No subtext here. People are naked.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
where are my eyebrows?
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