Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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