thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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