Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
