she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
