Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
