he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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