literally had 100 drinks last night.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize