just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize