she woke up with a sticky ear
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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