Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
