1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
