either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Even my vagina gasped.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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