I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
