he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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