So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
