I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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