too bad you live with your parents still
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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