just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Even my vagina gasped.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
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