Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
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