Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize