VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
