I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Its about making memories worth repressing
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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