hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
