Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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