i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
He has the fingertips of a God
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
