Her vagina should come with caution tape.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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