I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
