Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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