He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Randomize
