Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
