my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
