Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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