Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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