Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
