Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Randomize
