I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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