I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
50% drunk capacity currently
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
