were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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