The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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