I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
You left your phone here
Wait...
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
