He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
