I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
