Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
should my penis look like a turkey
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Randomize
