how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
