What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
