i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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