those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I need water and some morals
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
