I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
