Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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