Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
