her vagine was all disorganized.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
