Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
