White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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