So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
