maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
