his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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