Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
