Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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