college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
