Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
