i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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