I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
