erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Drunk is not a location!
Randomize
