I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
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