And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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