I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
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