3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
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