I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
